Don’t Drink Water

Water sales has become a huge business these days.  There are stores that specialize and sell ONLY water.  That seems amusing to me, like the old Saturday Night Live “Scotch Boutique”, where they specialized in selling just tape.

I don’t drink water.  You probably shouldn’t either.  Think about it for a few minutes: fish swim around in water and pee in it.  That’s nothing I want to drink.  And, it’s even worse than that!  They drink it too, then pee it out again!  Horrors!

Once it’s boiled and flavored with something like coffee beans, it becomes somewhat palatable.  Unfortunately the cafeteria downstairs at work hasn’t yet mastered this art.  “somewhat” would be a large stretch in their case.

The other thing I find inane with water is the recommendations on how MUCH you should drink per day.  I tell you, if I drank as much (of any liquid) as doctors recommend, I’d be in the bathroom all day.  Chugging down 3 liters of water per day like clockwork just seems ridiculous to me.  You see, our bodies have this neat mechanism built in.  It’s called “thirst”.  When your body needs liquid, this “thirst” mechanism is triggered and you find you want to drink something.  It’s very clever.  Here's what I do:  When I get thirsty, I drink something (well, not water. I mean … come ON!  Fish pee?).  When I’m not thirsty, I don’t drink anything.  It’s a great system.

In addition to not having to run to the bathroom all the time, I don’t have to carry around water bottles, or have big 64oz cups of soda on my desk for constant imbibing. I save money, effort, and it’s quite convenient to utilize this built-in liquid “fuel gage” type system.