To all the kids who were born in the 1930’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

Ok, so this isn’t original, it’s been kicking around the net in one form or another, but my previous post reminded me about it so instead if listening to me whine, here it is for your convenience:

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because……

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms……….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!   CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

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Generation “Bubble Wrap” – Gen BW

We had the “baby boomers”, then “Generation X”, then “Generation Y”… I think today’s crop of kiddies should be called “Generation Bubble Wrap” (or “Generation BW”).  It appalls me how ridiculously over protective parents are these days.  Surprisingly enough, I even have a couple of examples :-p

In an elevator today, I rode up with a woman and her small child.  Of course, the child naturally wants to push the button for the floor, so Mom says “push 5”.  The child reaches out and Mom shrieks “NO!!! Don’t use your finger, use your elbow!”  ROFL  Really?  It was one of the hardest things for me not to bust up and ridicule the woman.  So, I’m doing it here instead.  As I mentioned in my Quick! Santiize That! posting, immune systems are wonderful things, but they need exercise.  This poor kid is probably kept drenched in hand sanitizer 24×7 based on Mom’s response.  I predict the kid will grow up needing therapy for obsessive compulsion disorders like constant hand-washing, and will probably die an early death by her poor body being attacked by some small bacteria that manages to get through, which MY generation wouldn’t even notice because we actually have an immune system.  Do you remember the ending to War of the Worlds?  That’s how the aliens died.

Last week, my wife and I were watching HouseHunters (or something similar) on TV.  If you haven’t seen the show, the format is that some person or couple is shown 3 houses (on camera, who knows how many they really see), and then they decide between them.  The heart-palpitating fun for the viewers is to try to guess which one they are going to pick.  It’s seriously nail-biting stuff, folks.  Anyhow, I digress… This couple was looking at the 3 homes and comparing the pros/cons.  There was one house in the group which met all of their requirements wonderfully, but they didn’t get it because it had a couple of stairs (split-level), and (gasp) sharp corners on things (fireplace, breakfast bar, etc), and they were worried about their child.  We had to hit pause, look at each other and say “Really?  What complete morons”.  I mean sure, I can see that you might want to avoid a house with a large 200ft unfenced sink-hole right in the middle of the back yard, but come ON now.   Short of wrapping little Tommy in bubble wrap after dressing him in the morning, the kid really needs to learn to be careful not to run into things, not to touch hot stoves, etc, etc.  What’s the best way to learn?  Experience.  Do it once, it hurts, and the kid doesn’t do it again.

From checking around with other old farts in my generation, it seems to be fairly common that we weren’t molly-coddled as kids.  We’re pretty healthy adults as a result, and the amazing thing is that most of us have both of our eyes, most of our fingers, limbs, etc.

On the other hand, when I think about it from a survival angle, I guess I’m glad that this generation will be such wimpy losers.  I’ll never have to worry about getting mugged by young thugs when I’m pushing my walker down the street.  I’ll just sneeze and that’ll send them shrieking and running, Purell bottles a-pumpin’

Low riding pants – time for something else?

Fashions come and go.  In the ’70s, the bell bottom pants and polyester saturday-night-fever suits were king.  Fortunately, that fad has passed.  I’m wondering when the ultra-baggy low-riding pants with underwear sticking out all around the top will go away.  Isn’t it time?  Isn’t it just plain laughable anyway?  I mean, this is popular with young adults who think the whole gangsta thing is wonderful (don’t get me started).  But really, if that is your chosen path, wouldn’t you want to streamline your wardrobe so that you can easily run from the cops, or fight rival gangs without tripping or having to use only one hand while the other holds up your pants?  Wouldn’t it be preferable to strike terror into your victims and opponents, or is the goal to have them disabled by laughing fits?

Skinheads wearing properly fitting jeans and t-shirts are much more intimidating.  Bikers with their custom-tailored leathers are functional, recognizable, and intimidating also.  Dorks with their underwear sticking out just aren’t, no matter how many contorted gang signs they do with their fingers, or how well-rehearsed their scowl is.

I think we could assist this absurd fashion trend into obscurity by laughing and pointing whenever a Dork is present.  If everybody did this, the peer pressure would be phenomenal.  But no, of course we couldn’t do that.  We’re all trying way to hard to be Politically Correct … sigh

Inane names – really awful names

Some parents just need to be slapped. We’ve all met people and upon introduction, cringed at hearing their names.  Last names are sometimes just unfortunate, but there is no excuse for cursing a child with a horrible first/last combination.  Here are some winners which are supposedly actual names and can be found in ancestry.com:

Al Caholic, Oliver Clothesoff, I.P. Freely, Seymour Butz, Mike Rotch, Amanda Hugginkiss, Ivana Tinkle, Anita Bath, Maya Buttreeks, Fever Bender (born 1856), Leper Priest (born 1929), Cholera Priest (born 1830 during the second cholera pandemic), Rubella Graves (born 1814), Typhus Black (born 1897), Hysteria Johnson (born 1881), Emma Royd (born 1850), Kathryn E. Coli (born 1894), Mumps Sykes (born 1891), Gamble Moore, Cabbage Haywood, Uranus Stukey, Ghoul Nipple, Acne Fountain, Lust T. Castle, Mary A. Jerk, Ima Whore, Mutton Bucker, Hugh Jass, Fanny Whiffer, Tackle Feigenbutz, Envy Burger, Bum Snoddy. Mule E. McCart, Lard Mooney, Good Hell, Emma Royd, Noble Butt, Naught E. Bishop, Stud Duck, Judas Christian, Holly Wood, Candy Kahne, Harry Pitts, Brock Lee, Catnip Moonbeam, Roxanne Gravel, Rusty Nail, Cole Deggs

Awful first names:

Orangalo and Lamongalo (Jell-O was the only thing she could eat towards the end of her pregnancy), Violence, Truth & Justice (the names of twins), Tyranny, Alias (imagine the fun at a traffic stop), Samurai, Abacus, Nataz (Mom thought it was “cool” that it is Satan spelled backwards), Cascade (who names their child after a detergent?), Levitra, Damya (imagine the child on the playground, “Get down from there Damya!”), Felanie (prediction or curse?)

Sometimes, people think they can invent their own clever pronunciations for words and that nobody will figure it out (shades of “It’s spelled ‘luxury yacht’ but it’s pronounced ‘throat warbling mangrove'”):

Shithead (pronounced Shi-TAYd)
Pajama (pronounced pay-jeh-meh)
Strange’ (pronounced Straw ja’)

Celebrities seem to be especially eccentric when it comes to baby names:

Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
Moxie CrimeFighter (Magician Penn Jillette)
Hopper (Sean Penn and Robin Wright)
Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)
Sosie (Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick)
Destry (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw)
Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)
Kal-El Coppola (Nicolas Cage)
Bluebell Madonna (Spice Girl Geri Halliwell)
Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)
Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)
Tallulah (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)
Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)
Dweezil (Frank Zappa)